Blog

Dating a Japanese woman can sometimes lead to unexpected taboos due to differences in culture and values. For foreign men, there are rules and unspoken understandings that are unfamiliar to Japanese dating culture. Even actions that seem trivial can be perceived as offensive to Japanese women, and can ruin an otherwise enjoyable date. In this article, we will discuss five taboos to avoid on a date with a Japanese woman. 5 taboos to avoid on a date with a Japanese woman and how to avoid them on a date with a Japanese woman. Understanding and practicing them will help you build a better relationship and enjoy a memorable dating experience.

Contents

Taboo 1: Late or Unpunctual Behavior

In the West, one gets the impression that people are relatively outspoken when it comes to time commitments, but in Japanese culture, “punctuality” is considered very important. Basically, being late is seen as disrespectful to the other party. Especially on dates, punctuality is one of the indicators of sincerity and consideration for the other party. For foreign nationals, this is a point that requires special attention due to differences in customs. Below we explain why punctuality is important and some specific points to avoid being late.

Effects of Tardiness

Being late can give the impression that you are disrespecting your partner or lacking in seriousness. Japanese women, in particular, tend to judge a partner’s character and sincerity through dating. Therefore, even if you are 10 minutes late, you risk giving a negative impression. In addition, since women often take time to prepare for a date, they may feel that their efforts have been disrespected.

Key points for punctuality

Schedule with plenty of time to spare.

Be sure to arrive at your destination 15 minutes early to allow for delays or unexpected problems with public transportation. This will give you peace of mind that your date will arrive with plenty of time to spare.

Be thorough in your communication.

If there is a possibility that you will be late, contact your partner as soon as possible. By giving a specific reason and estimated time of arrival, you can allay their fears.

Confirm the meeting place in advance.

It is easy to get lost when meeting in an unfamiliar place, so it is a good idea to check a map or make a preliminary inspection beforehand. It is also effective to use the navigation function of your smartphone.

Punctuality is a behavior that creates a sense of security and trust among Japanese women. Just by keeping this in mind, you can greatly improve the impression you make on your date.

Taboo 2: Breaking Manners at a Meal


For Japanese people, a meal is more than just a meal. It is an important time for bonding and sharing values with your partner. Especially on a date, behavior at a meal is a major factor in determining whether or not you want to continue to be with this person. It is important to be aware that violating etiquette at a meal can be a major turnoff for Japanese women. Below are some specific taboos and their countermeasures.

Common dining etiquette violations

Eating with a lot of noise

In Japan, it is acceptable to eat ramen or soba noodles with a slurping sound, but it is considered bad manners to make loud noises with other foods. Be especially careful with Western food and in quiet places such as cafes.

Using chopsticks in a messy manner

The act of putting chopsticks on the side or passing food from chopstick to chopstick is considered bad luck in Japanese culture. In addition, “stabbing chopsticks” (sticking chopsticks into food) and “licking chopsticks” (licking chopsticks) may cause discomfort and should be avoided.

Bad attitude toward waitstaff

Attitude toward restaurant staff is another point that women take into consideration. Arrogant attitude and blunt language may make them feel uneasy about whether they will behave in the same way toward the other party.

Leftovers and wasteful ordering

In Japan, wasting food is not acceptable. If you leave a lot of food uneaten or order an obviously inedible amount, the other person may think that you do not value your food.

Points to make a good impression

Learn basic manners

Even if you are not familiar with Japanese food culture, it is important to learn minimum manners beforehand. For example, knowing the proper way to hold chopsticks and the order of Japanese food (sashimi, simmered dishes, rice, etc.) will make a good impression.

Say “Itadakimasu” and “Gochisosama

Japanese people have a culture of saying “Itadakimasu” and “Gochisosama” before and after meals. Just by saying these words, you can convey your respect and gratitude to the other person.

Consider the preferences of the other person

When choosing a restaurant or sharing a meal, it is important to respect the preferences of the other person. Ask, “What do you like?” How about this? and “What do you like?” are all good ways to show your interest in the other person.

Points to keep in mind when choosing a restaurant

For a first date, choose a restaurant that is as quiet and clean as possible. Japanese women tend to prefer to enjoy conversation in a relaxed environment.
Manners at a dining establishment are also an indication of a person’s character and culture. Paying attention to the smallest details will greatly enhance your reputation among women. The key to success is to be aware of the importance of making mealtime enjoyable.

Taboo 3: Excessive skinship and disregard for personal space

Japanese women are generally sensitive to excessive skinship and invasion of personal space during the first meeting or when they are not yet intimate. Due to differences in cultural backgrounds and values, behavior that may be perceived as friendly by foreign men may be offensive or alarming to Japanese women. Maintaining an appropriate sense of distance is the first step in building a trusting relationship.

Common Taboo Behaviors

Excessive physical contact at first meeting

While handshakes and light hugs as a greeting are common internationally, these behaviors may be avoided in the early stages of dating in Japan. In particular, sudden handshakes or shoulder hugs can startle or make a woman feel uncomfortable.

Conversation at too close a distance

In Japan, maintaining a certain amount of personal space is considered important on a daily basis. Bringing your face too close to someone’s when talking or touching their body too often can be perceived as “familiar”.

Excessive skinship in public places

While acts such as holding hands are fine, excessive body touching and expressions of affection in public places are generally discouraged in Japan. It is important to observe good manners in public places.

Points to make a good impression

Observe the other person’s reaction.

When it comes to skinship and distance, observe the other person’s facial expressions and demeanor. If a woman is relaxed, you can gradually close the distance, but if she shows caution, you need to be cautious.

Utilize moderate gestures.

For Japanese women, smiles, polite language, and gentle tones are more effective than direct contact as a means of increasing intimacy. Natural gestures using body language can also be a positive experience.

Refrain from skinship until you have established trust.

If you want to deepen intimacy, the first step is to close the emotional distance. After building trust through conversation, aim for a natural form of skinship.

Cultural background you should know

In Japanese culture, consideration and caring for others are very important. Therefore, if you act without considering how the other person feels, you may be perceived as “self-centered. Also, in a culture where modesty and modesty are considered virtues, excessive skinship or an intrusive attitude can cause the other person to be drawn away.
Skinship and the handling of personal space are areas where cultural differences are strongly expressed. Adjusting your distance while respecting the other person’s feelings will help you gain their trust and good feeling.

Taboo 4: Talking only about yourself and not listening to the other person’s opinion

Dating is a precious time for deepening mutual understanding, but for Japanese women it is a taboo to talk only about themselves, ignoring the other person’s opinions and feelings. In Japanese culture, “good listening” is emphasized, and showing consideration and empathy for the other person is considered good communication. Care must be taken not to leave the other person behind by becoming engrossed in your own conversation.

Common Taboo Behaviors

Imposing one’s own assertiveness

The act of forcing one’s own ideas and opinions onto the other person is often perceived as “self-importance. For example, you should avoid the behavior of talking one-sidedly about your hobbies and interests and not asking questions of the other person.

Interrupting the other person

Interrupting the other person in the middle of a conversation or pulling the topic in your direction can offend the other person. In particular, Japanese women have a strong tendency to want to be heard until the end, so interrupting the other person is considered rude.

Lack of empathy

It is also not good to switch to your own story immediately without responding to what the other person is saying. Showing even a single word of empathy when a woman talks about something, such as, “That’s great,” will greatly improve the mood of the conversation.

Points to make a good impression

Ask questions of the other person.

While on a date, ask questions to find out what the other person is thinking and what he/she is interested in. Ask, “What have you been enjoying lately?” What is your favorite food? It is effective to expand the conversation with simple questions such as, “What have you been enjoying lately?

Keep active listening in mind.

When the other person is speaking, show that you are listening by nodding moderately and using short phrases. Also, asking questions related to what the other person is saying will show that you are interested and make a good impression.

Balance the conversation.

It is not wrong to talk about yourself, but try not to talk too much of yourself in the overall conversation. It is recommended that you proceed with the conversation with the mindset of “50% on your part and 50% on the other party’s part.

Communication Culture Unique to Japanese Women

In Japan, consideration for the other person and the ability to read the air are important. Listening carefully to others and sharing feelings are considered the basis of a good relationship. Therefore, behavior that is too assertive or does not respect the other person’s opinion risks being perceived as “self-centered. In addition, since many Japanese women are relatively reserved, consideration should be given to giving the other person ample time to speak his or her mind. The important thing when dating a Japanese woman is to listen to what she has to say and build trust through conversation. By being attentive to their values and feelings, you will be able to share a more intimate and enjoyable time with them.

Taboo 5: Attitude that disrespects Japanese culture and customs


When dating a Japanese woman, any attitude that disrespects Japanese culture and customs is considered a lack of respect and is a major taboo. While it may be difficult for foreign men to understand all Japanese customs, it is important to show a minimum level of respect. Be aware that any behavior that disregards the culture and traditions that your date takes pride in may unintentionally hurt them.

Common Taboo Behaviors

Negative attitude toward Japanese food and food culture

Japanese cuisine is a source of pride for Japanese people and deeply rooted in their daily lives. Negative comments such as “I can’t eat this” or “This is not right” during a meal can give the other person a bad impression. In particular, negativity toward unique Japanese culture, such as sushi or the use of chopsticks, should be avoided.

Disrespecting traditions and religious events

It is a major taboo to disrespect Japanese traditions and religious practices, for example, to joke around during a visit to a temple or shrine, or to pose inappropriately for a photo in a sacred setting. These behaviors are seen as disrespectful not only to the other party, but also to those around you.

Excessive Comparison Culture

Comparative cultural statements such as, “They do this in my country, so why is it different in Japan?” and other comparative culture statements can sound like a denial of Japanese customs. You should refrain from making such comments because it makes the other person feel that you want him or her to understand your culture.

Points to make a good impression

Show interest in Japanese culture.

For example, when eating Japanese food, ask, “How is this made?” What is the origin of this dish? You can show respect by asking questions such as “How is this made? Also, showing interest in unique Japanese culture, such as kimono and tea ceremony, will make the other person happy.

Learn basic manners

Before going on a date, it is a good idea to research at least some Japanese manners and cultural rules. For example, how to use chopsticks, when shoes should be removed, and quiet behavior in public places are all considered important in Japan. By observing these manners, you will make a good impression on others.

Use “Arigato” (Thank you) Proactively

In Japan, saying “Arigato” (thank you) is a basic manner of expressing gratitude to others. By remembering to say “Arigato” (thank you) for even the smallest gesture, the other person will feel that you respect Japanese culture.
The Importance of Showing Respect for Japanese Culture
Japanese women, like people from other countries, are also proud of their own culture and customs. Therefore, if you show disrespect for their culture during a date, it will undermine their trust in you. By being willing to enjoy cross-cultural understanding and accepting the other person’s values, you will have a more wonderful time together.

Summary: For a successful date with a Japanese woman

To have a successful date with a Japanese woman, it is most important to be sincere and respectful of her culture and values. The “5 taboos to avoid” introduced in this article are points that foreign men tend to fall into, but just by being aware of them, you can deepen the trusting relationship with your partner.
Dating a Japanese Woman Then, your “attitude of trying to understand” is most appreciated. It is okay if you can’t do it perfectly. Your willingness to learn about their values and culture and to empathize with them will definitely come across. In addition to avoiding taboos, you can also build a better relationship by proactively adopting positive behaviors.
Finally, dating a Japanese woman is also an opportunity to experience the beauty of cross-cultural exchange. Be respectful of the other person, but don’t forget to assert your own personality as well. If you are open to differences and willing to have fun together, you can share a special time for both of you. We hope this guide will help you make your date more successful.